Friday, November 15, 2013

2/20/12

No one knows that i am here.

No one knows that i exist.

I walk this life in my shadow.

I watch myself move on before me.

I take each step in slow motion, i touch my ear, my lips, i notice how much i rub my forehead.

Depending on how the light is falling
sometimes i watch myself come towards me.
From my shadow i watch myself always coming towards me, but never reaching me.

Sometimes i think god will take this moment to prove his existence to me. Right.

Now.

Just to me.
Because i'm special
and he knows how much i need
something.

He will change the laws of the universe.
He will change just one law.
And suddenly i will catch my shadow.
Suddenly i will reach for me and i will be tangible and real and i will hold me and pull me into me and i will be ok. I will have me now. I will not let me go.

As it is, there has been no one who has proven to me their existence. And i remain unconvinced that anyone is real or tangible.  I watch myself from my shadow.
I watch myself
always walking away from me,
always walking next to me,
over me.
I watch me walking to me, never reaching me. Reaching to me never reaching me.

I do what my body does.
I can't stop it.
I can't stop myself.
I reach out to me and i reach out to nothing. To no one.

I reach out to no one.