Not the Story about the Lion, the Peanut Butter and the Vagina

To those of you who have come from Imgur, so sorry to disappoint you with my poor memory. Try as i might i just can't recall my lion tamer story. I remember all the scenes, but none of the words. But i'll work on it. It'll come to me...

In the meantime, i offer you an even better story. Better, because it's true. ...Like all my stories...


One fateful evening i was sitting in a hut tub with some friends, one of which told me she heard the most wretched of tales from a friend of hers who works at a Planned Parenthood as a gynecologist. Immediately i thought: I need to hear this story right now. This is going to be good.

Earlier that day, the gynecologist got a patient in who was severely overweight. So obese in fact that she had no hope of examining her own vagina if anything was ever amiss, as she couldn't see over her stomach into the mirror.*  Dressed in a paper gown, underthings off, she positioned herself on the table.


       So what brings you here today? :asked the gynecologist.

       There's a bad stank comin' from down there. :said the woman.

       Ok, let's have a look. : said the gynecologist.


Because the woman was so obese, the doctor had to call in two assistants to hold open several rolls of flesh to see her vagina, and tragically (and this is truly what happened and my deepest sympathies go to this woman because i can only imagine the humiliation) they had to use the handle of a broom to lift the largest rolls of fat above her pubis, while the two other women held everything open on the sides. While this may seem humourous, it's really very sad, and i do feel bad, but i am a story teller and the story must go on.

So after much adjusting and propping, indeed a foul stench was noticed emanating from this woman's nether regions. The gynecologist got in there with her headband light, and she found the source of the problem.

In this woman's vagina, undoubtedly for some time, was an old, withered, mostly decayed

frog.

The doctor and nurses were speechless. Never in all their careers combined had they removed a dead amphibian from a vagina. The doctor thought about what to say. This was a delicate matter, but she was understandably concerned. She asked the woman:


       Are you and your partner into any...unusual sex practices?

       What you mean? :asked the woman.

       Anything that could be considered different...or kinky? :asked the doctor.

       No... :said the woman: But me and my boyfriend like to have sex down by the lake. But we haven't done that for like three weeks.


And that my friends, is the true story of the mystery object, the stench and the vagina. Let's all take a moment to mourn this tragic ending.




*Fun Fact: For all you lads out there who may not know, it is advised for a woman to see her own vagina by placing a mirror between her legs, or positioning herself appropriately in front of one to get a good idea of what's going on down there. This is recommended to all women, as it's generally a wise idea to know what one's own vagina looks like, but especially comes in handy when something goes wrong.**

**Fun Fact: Don't ask.