untitled

beneath the black tree in the forest there is the part of the chimney that remained.
what housed the fire to safely burn is all that is left after the fire burned the house.

once there was a wind that blew in a circle. everything was pulled in and went around & round.
a black beetle tried to crawl in under the screen door. the wind tunneled over and sucked the beetle in.
the beetle was very small and the wind-circle very large. aided by trauma, time slowed down. the beetle lived many years in the circle of wind. though minutes later, rain came and stopped it all.
in the wind
the beetle met a butterfly. the butterfly was in bed.

i was asleep when the storm hit :said the butterfly

i'm tired :said the beetle

sit on my bed and rest a while :said the butterfly

the beetle crawled into bed.
the beetle and the butterfly fell in love.
later, the butterfly lay too precariously in the bed and the wind took her away.

why was time not slow for her? :thought the beetle

the beetle then realized he had only heard a buzzing when she spoke. and he had made up all the words she said.
time was only slow for the beetle.



.

The Father i Don't Have

Once,

in the heat and gloom of summer,

i dreamt that i had a father who called me

sweetheart

and

princess.

In my dream

i had a goldfish in a bag,

which he held for me

when i asked him to watch me rollerskate,

which he did proudly.

He loved me,

this father,

and he liked to read old books and make sack lunches.

He didn't mind that i only wore petticoats and bloomers, corselets and camisoles

(he was not embarrassed to be seen with me)

or that i put metal studs and spikes in all things leather-masquerading

(he had me spike his loafers, and he drew my first tattoo).

He told me, before i woke up, that he loves me for who i am.

Always remember.

:he said:

Don't ever forget.

i woke up this morning due to a voice in the wall. i heard it once before while i was masturbating but i thought it was just part of the fantasy i had created. i don't think i was masturbating when i woke up, but i heard the voice anyway. i know it was not a delusion, because the cat was sitting and staring at the part of the wall where the voice was coming from.

the voice said that it's been here for some time. watching me. sometimes feeling me while i sleep. its ready to make its next move, it said. so it thought it would introduce itself.

when i asked what its next move was it wouldn't tell me. it only smiled. it was the first time i'd ever heard a smile. you'd think it would sound friendly, but it didn't. it was grating. like two pieces of broken glass grinding against each other.

its going to make its next move soon, now that we have been properly introduced.
it likes my skin, it said.

it said it will be nice.

Rojo y Lobo

  They were wrong about us. Me and my Diablo Pata. They said he followed me into the woods. Hunted me. Hounded me. They said he raped me. Killed my grandmother. Fed her to me in pieces, but they were wrong about us.

       When i was little i lost my way in the cotton oak wood. He was little too, back then. They both were. He and his brother. They called him Diablo Pata because of his mischievous nature and they called his brother little Velvet Ears. They were playing as cubs do when they came upon me, crying in the cotton oak. Cautious and curious they sneaked up on me.

             What's wrong with it? :i heard one ask the other.

             I think it's hungry. :the other said.

       I turned to face them in their shabby hiding place behind the fern.

             I'm not an it. :i said, stern through my tears: I'm a little girl. And i'm lost.

       The little one shrunk back immediately upon discovery, but the other held his ground.

             What's a little girl? :he asked, stepping forward: You smell like men, but not.

             I'm not a man!... A girl is what one is before she is a woman.

             A woman?

             Yes.

             What's a woman?

             What's lost? :the other one had stealthily followed the first up to the clearing in which i sat upon a fallen tree.

             I don't know how to get home. :i said.

             Why don't you follow your scent back?

             I don't know how.

             It's easy. You sniff like this until you smell where you came from.

       The bigger one rose up slightly on his haunches, my little Diablo Pata.

             There! :he said: I think i found your trail.

             You did? :i asked excitedly: Can you show me the way back?

       He and his brother walked beside me all the way back to my village, and to this day i am convinced i never would have found my way home without him.

       A few days later i saw them at the wood's edge. They became my favourite playmates, but always in secret as tensions rose between our clans each time cattle or sheep went missing, and every time some creature was found mutilated in the fields. As i grew older, so did they, and while Diablo grew strong and brave, the sweetness once seen in little Velvet gave way to a more sinister passivity.

       One day i was a young woman walking through the wood i now knew like the back of my hand, and i came upon Velvet Ears in the clearing, disemboweling a rabbit. It was not an uncommon thing and i did not shrink back from the sight or sound of it, but i noticed how he toyed with it. Tortured it. Tearing it open before leaving it in pieces in the grass. It was not normal for the Wolves to play with their food in this way, as they were known for being more compassionate than we. I told Diablo Pata what i had seen and his silence confirmed my concerns.

       We had a spot in the wood, Diablo and i. We met on full moons. We met on new moons. Half moons. Gibbous. A time came when even one night apart felt like too many. But in the shadows lurking, Velvet was always there.

       No one knew about Diablo and me. No one but my grandmother. Like me, she had always been different. She could feel the phases of the moon on the back of her neck. She could taste the coming rain in the air a day beforehand. She too had once known a Wolf. And he too had been a secret, before he was brought down. Since then she lived deep in the woods, past the cotton oak and fern, where no man dared to go.

       On my way to see her, i thought i heard Diablo in the wood come to walk with me. But it wasn't him.

             Going to grandma's? :asked Velvet Ears.

             Yes... :i said: Where's your brother?

            Where's my brother? :he repeated: Where's my brother... Well wouldn't you know i was about to ask you the same thing. You wouldn't have any idea where he might be, would you?

             If i did i wouldn't have asked you.

             No, probably not...

       He stalked me in a strange overly visible way, crossing the path behind me and before me, encircling me as if herding a lamb.

             But then one never knows what you might be hiding. :he added.

             I'm not hiding anything. :i said.

             No? :he asked, his voice tinged with excitement: Maybe i'll ask my brother. If only i can find him...

       I stopped for a moment. I had that feeling then. That dark feeling. Like a pit. But i kept going. I said nothing.

             A pretty girl like you shouldn't be walking in the woods alone, you know. :he said after a time.

             I know these woods just as well as you do. I'm fine, thank you. In fact, i prefer walking alone if you don't mind.

            Oh ho! :he laughed: The girl has spirit! Alright, alright then...i can take a hint. Just thought i would offer my company while my dear brother is indisposed. But if you insist on walking this lonely path on your own...

             I do.

             Then as you wish. :he grinned a toothy grin and tipped his hat before disappearing into the trees.

       Despite watching him run off ahead of me, i could never escape the feeling of being followed. I never heard or saw or smelled anything, but i had the idea that he was hunting me, herding me in ever wider circles so spacious that i could never know for sure that he was there at all. Quickening my pace, i longed for the company of Diablo, and hurried to reach my grandmother.

       They say here that i was fooled. And they will tell you it was my Diablo that did it. They will tell you that he dressed in my grandmother's clothing and i was deceived by this visage; that he bottled my grandmother's blood and hair and teeth and tricked me into eating them.

       What they will not tell you is that after being ambushed by his brother, Diablo Pata sought shelter in the house of my grandmother. They will not tell you that when Velvet Ears ran ahead he broke down the door and tore my family apart. They will not tell you that my grandmother was a witch, and so was i, and that i willingly ate from the flesh of my loved ones to raise them from the dead. And they will not tell you that they call me Red Riding Hood because i rode home that day beside both my grandmother and my lover, cloaked in the blood soaked hide of his brother, and hooded with his skull.

Beauty was a Metaphor

If only you had told me about that spell that was cast on you,

I never would have gone into the woods alone.

So many years ago, when we met on the street lit precipice, and the sun threatened to rise and wake me from that dream, you opened your mouth i hoped to kiss me or whisper something in another language that would turn my blood to honey, but only wild flowers and bramble thorns spilled out. A nectar scented waterfall of a dozen prairies fell onto the floor and pinned themselves into a chariot you wouldn't tell me what was for. You only led me to the bench and then swooped down upon us a hundred bats and moths of distant moons to fly us to that lonely castle in Germany you tried to show me in every dream i've ever had since i was five. Chased by the rising sun we rode to the safety of the Black Forest, your fur shining softly in the orange glow of dawn, sweeping across your face in wisps and tendrils that smelled faintly of cardamom and chamomile and black currant blossoms. Even your fangs, your little tusks, were a faded gold that sparkled so. And your beast's paws, twice the size of my woman's hands, and twice as soft despite their hidden claws, felt like the only thing i should ever need to wear when pressed against you. Oh if only you’d told me about that spell that was cast upon you!

I never would have left without you.

I never would have gone into the woods alone.

Why did you have to give your last lone days to Beauty?
She only loved you because she thought you were a prince,

Whereas i loved you because i knew you weren't.

train

we open up on a dream. no
we open up on a train. no
we open up on a train heading Dream.

Where is this train heading, sir?
Dream, miss.
Oh, but that's where i'm coming from...
We're coming from Dream and going to Dream, miss.
Well, i'd like to exchange my ticket then, please.
I'm sorry, tickets are nonexchangeable.
Then i'd like a refund.
I'm sorry, miss, tickets are nonrefundable...
Well then i'd like to buy a new one.
Alright. That'll be waienfhioaweh noij.
Excuse me?
That will be waienfhioaweh noij.
I'm sorry, i don't know how much that is.
It's more than what you've got, miss.

The Beast and the Black Forest

I have always been a strange person.

This is me at an age when i was at my happiest. When i felt free for the first time, and when i lived in a little cottage haunted by a ghost named Evelyn and her dog, Piccolo, and i still thought i could kiss inanimate objects to life. I was prettier then. Before Life happened...

I have never been attracted to people the way most people are. I have experienced lust based on the physical appearance of an actual human only three times in my life that i can recall. From a young age, i have been attracted to different things. I lusted after humanlike creatures that don't exist in this world. And the one i have longed for the most over the years, the Beast.

In story books i crossed out the ending where he turned into a prince. I hated it. To me, princes are ugly. The Beast is where beauty is. When the Beauty and the Beast show reruns came on in the 90s, with Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton, i watched every episode like i lived for them.

I have never known how to explain it. Why i am not attracted to humans. Why i am only attracted to monsters. I prefer men to women, romantically. But sexually i like them both. I can tell when someone is attractive. I'm an artist and i love beautiful people, as well as strange, unusual or ugly people, for different reasons. But whether it is an attractive or unattractive man that approaches me, i am physically attracted to neither.

A personality can make someone more or less attractive to me, by A LOT. And there are certain physical traits i do find appealing. Monsters and beasts are big, bigger than i am. So i like height. I like beards. Beasts have manes. I like long hair. I like people who look different from me. Tattoos and piercings, a different skin tone, a different culture. Anything that makes him seem otherworldly will work in his favour. Anything that makes him less human,

more like something else,

something better.

Or more human. Too human. People who know people, who have an ability to understand and empathize but maintain the inner strength it takes to survive that and look out for themselves and their loved ones,
i like those people.

Although after what i have been through, nothing will ever beat kindness.

As far as that natural, primal, physical attraction goes, however, that thing that everyone seems to feel towards someone, towards some kind of person somewhere,
i feel toward no one.



Today i saw a picture of the Black Forest.

In my dreams, this is where the Beast lives. He lives in a castle house, a castle cottage, in the Black Forest of Germany. And from there he dreams of me too. But we never sleep at the same time. So our dreams always miss each other.

One night,
after being alone for some time
in my little haunted cottage in a corner wood in Washington
i dreamt that he had found me. He took me to his castle house in the Black Forest of Germany.
We lived there together for many years. And i was finally happy. All the years of our life together i dreamed in such detail. We were married {something i have no desire to do in real life with a human man}, and we had children {something i definitely don't want to do in real life with a human man} and we grew older together. We never spent more than a few hours apart from one another. And we never needed to.

Then one day, it was was his 500th birthday. Half way to 1000 years. It seemed like a big deal. I wanted to surprise him, so i snuck off to town without him to pick up a special gift i had ordered some time before. It took the whole day
and when i returned he was dead.

Years ago when he had been with Beauty, a spell had been cast on him. He had never been a man or a prince, but was cursed all the same. The spell made it so that if he was parted from the one he loved for more than three weeks he would die. When Beauty left him, it had taken him two weeks and six days to separate his heart from hers. And afterward, he was never certain whether the three week time period would start over should he fall in love again, or if he would only have the one day left.

He never wanted me to feel pressured to stay with him, he never wanted to think that i was there because i didn't want to kill him by leaving. He wanted to know i was there because i loved him and that was all. But the morning i left, i had not told him, and he didn't know why i had gone, and he grew afraid and worried and that fear triggered the curse
and i came home just a few minutes too late.

In the very beginning of my dream, i was in trouble. I lived in a small settlement with several others and we were under attack. The ghost of my Beast with an army of ghosts behind him came to our rescue. When i saw him, the life we once had together flashed before my eyes and my mind flooded with the memories of us. It had been several years since his death, and our whole history washed over me. I wept and cried out and asked him, Why didn't you tell me about the spell that was cast on you? And he told me. He told me how perhaps he should have, but he needed to know i was there because i wanted to be, and not for any other reason.

He helped us. He and his ghost army fought off our attackers. And then he and his ghosts disappeared, back into the Otherworld.


When i woke up i was remarkably devastated.
All the emotions were so real. I cried, i was so heartbroken.
I cried for days.
Literally.
I remembered sleeping next to him
for twenty+ years.
I remembered waking up beside him. Spending my life with him.
I remembered it all so clearly. Like it had been real. Like it was really real.

It was a cruel trick.

And the cruelest part
was that it could never happen
in real life.

What hurt the most was knowing
i would never find someone i would love
or want
as much as i did him.


I'm older now, and i believe i could love a human that much, despite my peculiarities. But i haven't yet. And certainly no human has ever loved me that much.


Some days suffering that dream, i wrote a small story about it. I posted here a few months ago:

Beauty was a Metaphor

And while a good ten years have passed since that time, and that dream, my feelings remain for the most part, unchanged. Still i am convinced that
i am someone who will never know true love.


I have always been a strange person.

Never, ever one of those things

You know how there are always things in life you think you can't possibly do without, and then you are forced to be without them and after a time, you hardly miss them at all? Internet is not one of those things. Internet will not ever be one of those things. My world was cold and dark and empty. I have never been more grateful for the return of something in my life, other than my stupid cat who was so fucking terrified of the new house he found a hole in the ceiling to hide in and wouldn't come out. Dumbass.

Today they're patching up the ceiling and i have internet and to celebrate, while i collect more data on The School, i am going to type out some of my super exciting zombie dreams. I like to call this one, FEA, or Flesh Eaters Anonymous. I've had well over a dozen FEA dreams, involving different characters, adventures and stories, the first of which i'll be posting tonight.

Here's a ceiling cat i caught in my bug net.

1-6, 3: The Yellow Cat

NOTE: This is the third story in a collection of six stories about the girl and the boy. I've also posted the first story, The Hipbone, should you like to read it first, and will soon include the second and the fourth stories. You can read all the stories in order, as i add them, if you click on 1-6 below or to the left.





The Yellow Cat

            It looks abandoned.

            Then why'd we have to deactivate the alarm?

            ..To dissuade squatters?

            Or vandalism.

            Well, if it's abandoned then no one will mind if we look around.

            What if there are security cameras? What if John screwed up and we
      triggered a silent alarm?

            Then we better be quick. You two take the west end, John and i will
      go this way. If you find anything use the walkie.

            Okay.

            K.

      The building was old and dark. A thin layer of dust covered every surface. It was mostly empty. There were some desks and chairs, a table here and there. Entering the next room they could tell by the layout of the counters that they had found another lab. There was one old microscope. All the other equipment had been removed. A yellowing newspaper lay on the counter. The girl picked it up. The date read December 8 1991.

            This paper is almost a year old. :said the girl: Think that's how long
      it's been since someone was here?

            I don't know, maybe... :said the boy: Hey, through here.

      He went through a pair of steel plated double doors. She followed him. On the other side were several rows of kennels and small animal cages. He radioed their friends on the walkie-talkie.

            We found it. :he said.

            Are there any animals? :asked the voice on the walkie-talkie.

            No, the cages are empty. This place hasn't been used in months at
      least.

            Wait. :said the girl.

            What? :he asked, releasing the PTT button.

            I found something.

            Ben? You there? You okay? :the walkie-talkie asked.

            Yeah, :he answered: Sarah found something.

            What? :asked the walkie-talkie.

            A cat. :said the girl: There's a yellow cat.

            She found a cat. :he said into the walkie-talkie.

      The boy came around to the girl's side.

            Is it alive? :he asked.

            Yeah. It's just sitting there. :she said: It's looking at me.

            Just one? :the walkie-talkie asked.

            Looks like it. :said the boy.

            That's weird. We'll be right there.

      The boy knelt down next to the girl. She poked her fingers through the gaps in the cage. The cat sniffed her fingertips.

            Lila and John are coming. :he said.

       The girl nodded.

            Do you have the wire cutters? :she asked.

            Yeah, but...i don't know...

            What?

            Well, they took all the animals except for this one. And it's locked. There must be a
      reason.

            Maybe he was forgotten.

            Maybe...

            Look how quiet he is. Sitting back there all alone. They probably just
      forgot he was here.

            I guess... But why isn't he dead?

            What do you mean?

            Look around. It must have been a couple months at least since anyone
      was here. You're the one who found that year old newspaper. So what's he
      been eating? Where's he been shitting?

            I don't know... But we can't leave him here.

            What if he's diseased?

            He's not diseased. He's fine.

            How do you know? Who knows what kind of experiments they were
      doing down here. He could be a zombie.

            He is not a zombie!

            He kind of looks like a zombie cat.

            You wish.

            Where is it? :Lila asked, entering through the double doors with John
      behind her.

            Over here. :said the boy.

      Lila peered down to look at the cat.

            She looks pretty good. What are you waiting for? Release her.

            I don't know... :said the boy.

            He thinks it's a zombie. :said the girl.

            A zombie cat? :John smirked: Wicked.

            You guys are ridiculous. :said the girl.

            He kind of has a point. :said Lila.

            What? :the girl exclaimed: You've got to be kidding.

            It's obviously been a while since anyone has been here. How is this
      cat still alive? :Lila asked: ...I think this time we should leave it until
      we have a secure place to take it. We need to find out what's been done to it
      and if it's safe to release. My buddy Rod is a vet, i'll work it out with him.

      John walked out of the room and the boy and Lila followed.

            Wait! :called the girl.

            We'll come back. :Lila said: We need to be careful in case it's been
      infected or something. You wouldn't want to be responsible for
      unleashing a deadly virus that kills the whole cat population of America,
      would you?

            No, but...

            We'll come back, Sarah. Now hurry up. We need to get out of here.

      Lila stepped through the swinging doors. The girl looked at the cat.

            I'm sorry. :she said, turning to leave: They won't let me take you out. But we'll be
      back, i promise.

            No, you won't. :a voice said in the darkness.

        
      The girl spun around, scanning the room for the source of the sound. She was ready to dismiss it as nothing more than her typically overworked imagination, when she heard it again.

            That's what they all say. :the voice added.


      Looking down to the cage, she eyed the cat suspiciously.


            Was that...you?... :she asked the cat.


      When the cat did nothing but stare blankly back at her, she started to get up.


           Yes. Yes, it was me. :said the cat: Don't freak out.

            What!? Is this for real?

            No, you're on a hidden camera show. :said the cat.

            I am? :the girl looked around for hidden cameras.

            No! I'm a talking cat, i wouldn't be on a TV show! :the cat growled: I'd
      be strapped down in some top secret government laboratory being poked
      and prodded by god knows what.

            You can talk! :the girl stared at the cat in amazement: Like, you're
      actually talking!... Did they do this to you?

            Do what?

            Make it so you can talk?

            Beats me.

            Hey, Li-

            -I wouldn't do that - call for your friends. :the cat cut her off:  They'll think
      you're crazy.

            Not when they hear you talk.

            They won't.

            Why won't they?

            Why should they?

            So that they don't think i'm crazy... So that i don't think i'm crazy.

            Not good enough.

            Well that isn't fair. Why would you talk to me and not them?

            Good question. You should think about that one.

            Hey, Sarah, come on! :the boy popped his head into the room.

            Hold on. :the girl said, to the boy or the cat.

      The girl jumped up. She ran over to the boy, grabbed the wire cutters out of his backpack and snipped away at the cage until she'd made a hole big enough for the cat to get through.

            Oh no, Sarah, what are you doing?

            Oh don't worry about it. The cat isn't sick, he's just...different.

            How do you know that?

            I just do! :she snapped.

      The girl turned to the cat.

            You can get out now. :she said: You aren't like, sick or evil or
      anything, are you?

            Me? :said the cat: Heavens, no.

            Okay, good. Do you want to come with us? Will you? We can get you some
       food and water - whatever you need.

            Thank you, but there is something i need to do first.

            Oh... :she said, wrought with disappointment: Will you be okay on your own?

            I always am.

            Okay... Well...good luck then...

      The girl got up, walked past the boy and out of the room. He looked at her strangely, following close behind her.

            Are you alright? :he asked.

            I'm fine. :she said.

            You seemed to be having a very...animated conversation with that cat.

            I always talk to animals. You've seen me do it loads of times.

            Not quite like that...

            Why? :she asked: Did you hear him talk back?

            You're kidding, right?

            ...Yep.

            Are you sure you're okay? Did it scratch you or bite you or anything?

            No, he's totally tame. Don't worry about it, i'm fine. I just felt bad for
      having to leave him that's all.

            Okay... You didn't hear him talk back to you, did you?

            I was joking.

            Okay...

      The girl stopped and turned to face him.

            You worry too much. :she said.

            Is that so?

            Yes. You never were such a spoil sport when we were younger.

            That's because i was blinded by love and didn't know any better.

            Your love for me doesn't impair your vision anymore? :she frowned.

            My love for you impairs me plenty. :he smiled: Don't you worry.

            Well, i'd have to agree with you there. :she nodded to the window.

      Red and blue lights flashed from outside.

            Fuck. :said the boy.

            Run! :said the girl.

      After a successful dash from the police, the boy dropped the girl at her apartment.

            You sure you don't want to come in? :she asked.

            I'm sure i do want to come in, but i have finals in the morning. I can't
      afford to screw this up.

            Look at you being all responsible.

            I know. Weird, isn't it?

            Very.

            I'll call you.

            Mm hm. :she grinned at him through the window after closing the
      truck door behind her.

            Uh huh. :he said, smiling in return.

      The girl hopped up on the rocker panel and leaned in through the open window. They kissed goodnight before the boy drove home and the girl walked down the path to her apartment. At the door, fumbling with the keys, she heard something behind her and turned around.

            I've never been to this part of town before. :said a familiar voice.

            ...Cat? :the girl called out.

      The yellow cat sauntered out of the bushes.

            You live here? :he asked.

            Yeah... How did you find me?

            Followed your scent. Good hunting ground here.

            Uh, yeah... I-

            I'll be staying for a while. :the cat informed her: I don't require
      much. I would like a fluffy pillow.

            A pillow?

            Yes, fluffy. I'll catch most of my own food but having a few cans of
      Friskies on hand wouldn't hurt.

            Um, okay...

            Come to think of it you should pick up a bag of kibble too. Sometimes
      you just need something with a little crunch.

            Okay, well uh-

            You know this is the first time i've been to the Hollow Springs
      neighborhood. They say it's like the Bermuda Triangle of Willowoak.

            They do? I mean, yeah. I know.

            So?

            What?

            Do you live here on the path or is there more?

            Huh? Oh. No. I live inside.

            Well, let's do this then.

            Okay...

      The girl found the door key and let herself and the cat inside. The cat looked around, jumping up on the back of the couch.

            Not bad. :he said: This will do.

            How long will you be staying?

            Don't know. Not sure yet. Not long probably. A few weeks most
      likely. Pillow?

            Oh. There are the throw pillows on the couch and a few on my bed
      down the hall.

            I'll try them out.

            I'm sorry, i'm trying to wrap my head around this. You're not very...
      catlike.

            I never said i always was a cat.

            What were you before?

            Good question. What are any of us? What does it really mean "to
      be"? What are you?

            I'm a person.

            Me too.

            You're a cat.

            Cats are people too.

            But what were you before you were a person-cat?

            Maybe i was one of you.

            A human? No way. Did they transfer a human brain into a cat body
      and the cat brain into your human body?

            I'm not an expert, but i'm pretty sure the cat brain would get bruised
      bouncing around in a human head, don't you think? Not to mention how
      a human brain would fit into my head... I shudder to think...

            Hm. That's true... But maybe they were able to transfer
      consciousnesses or something.

            Isn't there a rather large difference between what a feline brain and a
       human brain are capable of? Would a feline's brain have the capacity to
       handle human awareness?

            Maybe. Maybe cats are smarter than we think. How do you know so
      much about brains? Were you a scientist or something?

            Good question. You should think about that.

            You keep saying that! Why should i think about it?

            Why not? Thinking is good for you. You don't want a lazy brain.


      Determined not to get sidetracked, the girl stuck to the matter at hand.

            So...you don't know how you got to be this way?

            I never said that.

            You implied it.

            I just didn't tell you.

            Well, do you?

            How does anyone get to be any way? I was born. I lived. Here i am.

      He smiled. She shivered. It wasn't a pretty sight.

            You know what i mean. :she said.

            Do i? :he asked.

            Tell me how you got to be this way, how you came to be...different.
      I mean, most cats don't talk, as far as i know, and aren't nearly as
      intelligent as you are.

            Like all felines i love a good compliment, but not at the expense of
      my species. You didn't know i could talk until i said something to you.
      Maybe most cats don't deem you worthy of their special attention.

            Yeah...but Ben couldn't hear you.

            I was talking quietly.

            I don't know... How did you survive in that cage for so long?

            I was only in there a few hours.

            Really? But that place hasn't been used in ages.

            Maybe, maybe not. I wouldn't know. The last boy i tried talking to
      took me there and locked me inside.

            That's horrible! Why?

            He too was surprised by my vocabulary skills.

            Well, it is a little alarming at first.

      The cat glared at her.

            Is there a reason you're here? :she asked: That you followed me?

            Yes.

            What is it?

            I'll tell you later.

            Seriously?

            Yes.

            Why?

            I'll tell you when it matters.

            It doesn't matter right now?

            No.

            Can you tell me anyway?

            No.

            Why not?

            Because i don't know what it is yet.

            You don't know what it is that you came here specifically to tell me?

            Correct.

            How does that work?

            No idea.

            Oh.

            Are you done with the twenty questions then?

            I guess so. For now.

            Good. I'm thirsty.

            Oh. Okay. I'll get you a bowl.

      Within a few days time, the girl and the cat grew accustomed to living with one another. The girl started looking forward to having someone to come home to and soon found herself rather enjoying their nightly visits when she came home from work or school. Sometimes they would eat together. She kept the fluffy pillow he had chosen at the foot of her bed, where he preferred to sleep.

      In the morning she would get up, get ready for work or school, and let the cat out as she walked out the door. In the evening, the cat would often be sitting on the doormat, sunbathing in the last warm rays of pre-dusk sun on the path, or lying on the little wall outside her apartment. She would fumble with her keys at the door and he would stretch, yawn and follow her inside.

      One day, the girl got a call.

            Hello? :she said.

            Hey, babe. :said the boy.

            Hey, what's up?

            Wanna see a movie tonight?

            Hmm...okay.

            What, have other plans?

            No. What are we gonna see?

            Lady's choice.

            Alright then. I'll see what's playing and let you know when you get here.

            Deal.

            Bye.

            Bye.

      The girl grabbed Sunday's newspaper out of the bin and looked through the movie section.

            Going out? :asked the cat.

            Yeah. :she said: I haven't seen Ben for a while. We've both been so
      busy with work and school. I miss him. Funny though... I didn't even
      realize i missed him until i heard his voice.

            Maybe you don't miss him as much as you think.

            That's a weird thing to say.

            Well, if you really missed him wouldn't you have seen him by now?

            I don't know. We were busy, like i said.

            You forgot about him.

            No i didn't.

            You forgot about him until he called you. You didn't even remember
      you had a boyfriend at all.

      There was a moment of silent pondering before the girl realized the cat spoke the truth.

            ...That's true. :she said: How could i forget about Ben? I love Ben. We've been
      together since we were fifteen.

      The cat was smiling again.

            Did you have something to do with this? Are you making me forget
      Ben?

            I can't make you do anything.

            Then how did i forget someone that important?

            That's a good question. You should think about that.

            I think i did think about it and i think i think it was you. I think you can
      do a lot of things. And you know what else i think? I think you're jealous.

            That's absurd. Cats don't get jealous.

            Yeah right, cats are super jealous! I grew up with cats. I would pet one
      first and then the other and then as soon as turned my back the second one
      would smack the first one.

            They're weak examples.

            You're jealous.

            I know you.

            Yeah? How well can you know me in two weeks?

            Who said it's only been two weeks?

            It's been two weeks since you've been staying with me and believe me,
      i'm beginning to question this arrangement.

            I never said that was when we met.

            What do you mean?

            I know you.

            How?

            When i met you it was Fall. The leaves were turning red. You looked up at
      the trees. Turning around. Slowly spinning. You looked happy.

            What are you talking about?

            You were wearing a red skirt and an ivory blouse with swallows on it. You
      had a red ribbon in your hair. You looked like you walked out of a post World
      War II era movie about swing dancing and a lack of nylons and jam.

            ...I remember that. That was at school. You were at my school?

            I used to follow you. You never noticed me.

            I would have noticed a yellow cat running around eventually.

            I wasn't always-

      The doorbell rang.

            That's Ben. :said the girl.

      She answered the door.

            Hey.

            Hey, you ready?

            Yeah, the movie starts in half an hour.

            Okay, cool.

            Let me just get my bag.

            K... Hey, when did you get a cat?

            Oh. Um... :the girl ducked into her bedroom, coming back out with
      her purse: Just a couple weeks ago.

            She looks familiar.

            Does he?

            Yeah... Like i've seen her somewhere before.

            Well, he's a he and i'm sure you haven't. So let's go.

      The boy walked out the door. She held it open.

            You want to go out? :she asked the cat.

      The cat sat where he was on the couch. He stared at her, flicking his tail rhythmically.

            Suit yourself. :she said, and shut the door.

      After the movie, the boy and the girl got something to eat. They sat in the car with their burgers and shakes and listened to music overlooking the city from the top of the hill.

            Why don't you want to go to your place? :asked the boy.

            I don't know. It's been kind of crowded lately.

      He smiled.

            Getting too much of your own company?

      She smiled.

            Okay, :she said, turning to face him: This is going to sound crazy.

            I love it when you get crazy.

            You know that cat? At my apartment?

            The one you have never mentioned and i just saw for the first time
      today?

            Yeah.

            Okay.

            He talks. Well, he talks to me. He doesn't seem to talk to anyone else.

            Okay.

            And now he's talking like he used to be something else. Like he used
      to be a person. And he said these really weird things about knowing me
      from school and remember that kid, Gordon? The one who used to follow
      me everywhere?

            The ginger?

            Yeah. And then he just disappeared one day and there were bulletins in
      the office and around town but he never turned up?

            I figured he just dropped out and had hysterical parents or something.

            Or...

            Or...?

      She looked at the boy, unable to say the words.

            Or...he turned into a cat? :asked the boy.

            She shrugged: If a dead woman can turn into a fish...

            Yeah, but, at least that kind of made sense.

            How? How did that make any sense?

            Well, she was killed in the river. So she became a fish. Or was
      reincarnated. And then when we had that drought it exposed her bones
      so she found someone to discover them so she could be put to rest.

            But we didn't know that at the time. You put that together later, after
      everything. I'm still in the middle of this thing. Afterwards i'll probably be
      able to come up with a clever explanation for everything too.

            I don't know...

            You just don't think it's possible because i found him.

            What?

            If you found him you would have called me to brag about it and then i
      would have totally believed and supported you and come to help and fix
      everything just like before.

            I didn't say i don't believe you.

            Really.

            Hey this isn't the same. You saw the fishwoman. I can't hear the cat.

      The girl thought for a minute.

            Okay. Tonight after you drop me off, call me when you get home. I'll
      pretend to hang up, but i'll leave the phone off the hook so you can listen.

            Okay. :the boy agreed: You look worried.

            It's just...what if you can't hear him?

            Then we'll get you the best psychoanalyst money can buy.

            I'm serious, Ben! What if he has some kind of trick or something so only
      i can hear him? Would you still believe me?

            Let's just see what happens with the phone. That's a good idea.

            I would believe you!

            Sarah, let's see what happens, okay? I didn't say i don't believe you.
      I'm just thinking of all the possibilities.

            You're so frustrating ever since you've been studying physics.

            Thanks, babe.

      The boy dropped the girl off and went home. He took a piss, opened a beer and brought the phone over to the couch. He had the girl on speed dial. Number 2. Right behind the regular pizza delivery place, and right after his mom.

      The phone rang a few times.

            Hello? :said the girl.

            This is Fido, responding to operation Pussy Patrol.

            No, i don't have it, sorry.

            Did you like my joke?

            I don't think it's there, but i'll check.

            It was a little funny.

            I don't think so.

            I was thinking about what to say all the way home and came up with it right
      before i got in the door. I thought it was pretty good.

            Huh. That's not what i would have thought.

            Well, okay... I still think it was good.

            Okay then, bye. :she said.

            Pretend bye. :he said.

      The girl set the phone down at an angle so it didn't hang up. The boy could hear the girl talking in the background. He listened, drinking his beer.

            I don't know what you're talking about. :said the girl.

            No, i don't. :she said.

            Yes, i would. :she said.

            Insulting me isn't going to help. :she said.

            What do you mean? :she asked.


      There was a long pause.

            If you told me who you were before then maybe i could tell you if i actually
      did notice you. :she said.

            Well, i can't say whether that's true or not since you say you weren't a cat
      before. :she said.

            Gordon... I knew it. :she sounded pleased with herself: I knew it was you!
      But, why?

            You couldn't have loved me. :she said: You didn't even know me.

            I'm sorry... :she said.

      The girl was starting to sound upset. The boy had no idea what to do or make of this situation. He was concerned.

            Sarah? :the boy shouted into the phone: Sarah! Are you there? Can you hear me?

            What's that? :it was another voice, barely audible over the phone, but it grew
      louder: Is someone on the phone? :the voice demanded: Is that Ben!?

            I thought i was going crazy! :said the girl: Don't be upset.

            I trusted you! :the other voice shouted.

      There was a commotion on the other end of the phone. The line went dead.

            Sarah? Sarah are you there? :the boy asked.

      When he called back and the line was in use, he grabbed his keys and ran out the door.

      The cat jumped onto the counter, knocking the phone over and tearing the cord out of the wall.

            I'm sorry, Gordon. I really am. :said the girl.

            I did this for you. :said the cat.

            What do you mean?

            I just wanted you to notice me. There was an ad in the paper. Better Changes
      to Better Yourself or something corny like that. Came across as some kind of work-
      shop with special exercises you can do to change who you are, to make you a better
      person. But i got there and it was a paid trial, they said. Totally safe, but they were
      still experimenting, they said. Trying to get the method down right, they said! I
      wasn't supposed to be a fucking cat!

            What were you supposed to be?

            Someone better! Someone you would notice... Not chubby, four eyed, pasty white, speckled and freckled Gordon.

            But how? How did you end up like this?

            I don't know. I just woke up and here i was.

            What happened to your body?

            I don't know. I never saw it again. I never saw any of them again. I
      woke up and everything and everyone was gone, like it had never existed.

            When was this?

            I don't know. I don't know how long it's been.

            You've been missing for over a year.

            A year. Wow. Time goes by a lot faster this low to the ground.

            Gordon.

            Yeah?

            I'm sorry. I'm sorry i never paid attention to you.

            It's okay. I knew you had a boyfriend anyway...

      There was a pounding at the door.

            That's going to be Ben.

      The girl went to the door, unlocking it.

            I'm fine. :she said.

            Where is he? :he demanded.

            I'm right here. :said Gordon the cat.

      The cat sat on a couch cushion. The boy approached him angrily.

            I don't care if you're a fucking cat, you're still a stalker and you're stalking my girlfriend!

            I'm not stalking her, i live with her.

            She didn't know who you were! It counts!

            Maybe...

            It. COUNTS!

            It was kind of stalkerish. :said the girl.

       Gordon the cat rolled his eyes.

            Fine! :he said: I'm sorry for not being honest from the beginning.
      But i still have something important to tell you.

            That wasn't it? :asked the girl.

            No, :said Gordon the cat: That was entirely coincidental. I was as surprised as
      anyone when i saw you two weeks ago at the lab.

            Oh... So you weren't here because you have a crush on me?

            I was kind of here because of that. But i still have to tell you something.
      I mean, if you hadn't been you, i probably would have lived in the field until
      approaching you today. But i couldn't resist the opportunity to share your
      bed for a couple weeks.

            Hey. :said the boy.

            He's a cat. :the girl sighed: He can't do anything.

            He has eyes, doesn't he?

            And a pretty damn good memory. :said the cat, grinning.

            If you don't show some respect i'm gonna punt you like a football-

            Stop! Both of you. What is it that you want to tell me, Gordon?

            Well, come to think of it, it concerns both of you.

            How does it concern me? :asked the boy.

            Sit down. I'll tell you.

      The boy and girl sat down.

            Now, this may come as a shock, :said the cat: But you are not
      actually pregnant.

            What? :said the boy:

            What? :said the girl: What are you talking about? I'm not pregnant
      at all.

            Look. :said the cat.

      The boy and the girl looked down at the girl's stomach. It was rather large. And round.

            Holy shit.

            Oh my god.

            How did we not notice that before? :asked the boy.

            How did i not notice this before? :asked the girl: What am i, like nine months along?
      Oh god, am i going to go into labor? :the girl paced her breathing: Ben! I think i'm hav-
      ing a contraction! Ow, fuck. God damn it. This isn't happening. This isn't happening
      right now!

            No, it isn't. :said Gordon the cat.

            What do you mean!?

            Look again.

      They looked down at the girl's stomach a second time. Which was as flat as it had always been, thanks to a weekly regime of crunches and aerobics.

            What the fuck? :said the girl.

            What's going on? :asked the boy.

            That's the baby that will never happen.

            What do you MEAN?

            The two of you will never have any children. Your electro-magnetic
      energy is highly concentrated and unusually intensified for humans of
      this time period. It makes you more sensitive to other areas of life.

            Other areas of life? :asked the boy.

            Other things that most people will never see or experience or believe
      are even possible at all. :said Gordon the cat.

            Oh, like talking cats?

            Like fishwomen?

            For example. But when two people with such energy reaching the
      levels yours are at, get together, you will never be able to procreate. In
      order to further your lines, you would have to find a mate with a lower
      electro-magnetic energy frequency.

            So, if we break up we can have kids? But not together?

            That's right.

            Are you sure?

            Yes. Because of your E.M.E.F. when you think about being a mother
      you may in fact perceive yourself as with child. The longer you entertain
      this perception the stronger it will become, until others perceive it as well.
      But it is not a fact based in reality. Once you remember conception with
      Ben is an impossibility, the vision will fade.

            Well then what if i decide it's not impossible? What if i make the
      decision that Ben and i can get pregnant, if he and i both decide and
      we make ourselves know it to be true? Then can i have a baby? With
      Ben?

            No. You can appear to be pregnant. You can even convince yourself
      you are giving birth. But there will never be a baby.

            Huh. :said the girl: I don't know how i feel about that.

            Me neither. :said the boy.

            Naturally, :said Gordon the cat: It will take some time to adjust to this
      new information.

            So, that's it? That's what you wanted to tell me?

            Yes.

            Why?

            It's my job. As an Ambassador of The Changes.

            What's that?

            I don't know, really. It's from the experiment, i think. I have these
      things i need to say to specific people at specific times. When i see the
      person, i know. When it's the right time, i know that too. And then the
      words come and i know just what to say.

            They did that to you? Why?

            Because changes are coming.

            What kind?

            I don't know.

            Well that's very helpful. Thanks, Gordon. :said the boy, leaning back into the couch and crossing his arms.

            Wow. :said the girl.

            So... Will you be staying then, Gordon? Or...leaving? :the boy asked.

            Oh, i think you'll be fine on your own. Besides, i'm pretty sure there's
      someone somewhere i have to tell something to at some point. Wouldn't
      want to be late. :said the cat, hopping off the couch and trotting over to
      the door.

            Are you sure you don't want to stay? :asked the girl: Indoor cats live
      longer. And i still have a couple cans of Friskies. And...i'm going to miss
      you.

            You are? :asked Gordon the cat.

            Yeah, of course. It was nice having someone to come home to.

      The cat looked at the boy.

            You still have someone, though, Sarah. Don't take him for granted. :the
      cat smiled.

            Never. :she smiled back.

      The girl opened the door and the cat walked outside.

            And you can hold onto that Friskies. :said the cat: I might be back.
     One day...

            You bet.

            One last thing.

            Yeah?

            That thing in the trunk in the guest room. Now you know you won't
      be needing it. Give it to someone who will.

      The cat ran off, leaping over the wall and disappearing into the night. The girl shut the door. She turned to face the boy.

            But i don't have a guest room... :she said.

*                  *                  *

Story 4, The Blue Baby Dress, picks up where The Yellow Cat leaves off in the next installment if 1-6, Stories of the Girl and the Boy